He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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