Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
