I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
