Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
