i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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