kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
