the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
