i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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