What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
