So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
