Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
