so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
