you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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