something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
