I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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