Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
