This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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