college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
