guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
