Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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