Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
