i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
