i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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