I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
