im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
