if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
