Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
