it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have aggressive nipples.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
