cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
