I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
