she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
