I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
