We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
