I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
