No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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