I got chris browned last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
