Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
