alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
