Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wish there were birth control emojis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
