If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
