Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
