my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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