dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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