he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
