Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
