you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
