Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
