He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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