dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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