I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
