remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
