She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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