If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
