You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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