shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
