I must be too annoying 4 u.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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