She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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