can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
