you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
